Wedding Traditions

Wedding Traditions-Hochzeitstraditionen

The rules are a little different in Germany. In the U.S. we do need a wedding license, however, in Germany, you need not only the license, but must have a 'Standesamt' or civil ceremony prior to any church ceremony you are planning. Today, about 1 in 5 couples opt for an additional church wedding.

Couples must be 18 years or older. Also, in Germany, the only way a couple is recognized as such is through marriage.

If you are invited to attend a German wedding, plan on the entire day and probably into the wee hours of the morning. There is usually a luncheon or 'Kaffee & Kuchen' in the afternoon (with the ceremony either prior of after) followed by a full blown party reception.

The preferred month is May, however, the wedding season is May to September.

Polterabend

A 'Polterabend' (Eve of making a racket) usually occurs the night before the wedding. Here the neighbors, friends, family (sometimes even the entire community) get together to break porcelain to wish the couple good luck. I had the pleasure of attending one for a cousin's wedding several years back in Thuringia. The key here is porcelain. Do not bring glass (that brings bad luck).

The best thing about the 'Polterabend' is who is assigned to clean up. What better way to prove that the bride and groom work well together.

Junggesellenabschied Junggesellinnenabschied

These are the pre-wedding parties, the Bachelor and Bachelorette parties. The parties are usually held at a local tavern. During these parties, especially the 'hen' party, it is not uncommon for the 'bride to be' to have certain chores that must be fulfilled. During one of our trips to Dortmund, a 'bride to be' approached my husband and asked if she could cut the tag off of his underwear. Of course the chores are meant to embarrass, so if you see women running around in odd costumes, you may be meeting the bride. Also, common is getting the bride to sell a product and make as much money as possible and to 'sell out' of the product.

The Brautchuhe-The Bride's Shoe

One of my favorite customs is the 'Bride's Shoe'. It is a traditional 'good luck' measure. Little girls begin saving their pennies for their wedding day and use those pennies to buy their 'wedding shoes'. A coin is saved and inserted into the left shoe on the wedding day. This is supposedly to show that the bride is fiscally responsible and also bring good luck.

Often the 'Bratschuhe' is auctioned off to the highest bidder at the reception. This is usually the groom. He returns his bride, her shoe.

Another tradition is the shoe is passed throughout the reception. I was told that each one that handles the shoe matches the previous monetary gift. Again, the donations are matched by the groom, who then returns the shoe to the bride.

The White Ribbon

The brides bouquet is wrapped with strips of white ribbon. The ribbon is given to the bride by the groom. This ribbon is cut and distributed to the guests and tied to their car in some manner for the ride to the reception. Of course this is a very loud ride as the car horns introduce the bride and the groom, now the happy couple.

Brautentfuehrung-Kidnapping the Bride

This is an old custom where someone 'kidnaps' the Bride after the ceremony. In most cases it is the 'Best Man'. He takes her to a local hangout (often with the entire wedding party). The groom then goes on a desperate manhunt for his new wife. He is particularly desperate because he usually must big up the tab for the group during their absence. A note here about wedding parties: In Germany, they are usually small and often only include the Best Man (Trauzeuge) and the Maid of Honor (Trauzeugin).

Wedding Rings

Engagement rings are becoming more common, however, it is more than likely, the bride and groom wear one ring, a gold band. As the couple is engaged the ring is worn on the left hand and at the ceremony, it is transferred to the right hand. This indicates a change in status.

Baumstamm Saegen-Cutting the log

Cutting the log is an old tradition and is thought of as the 'first obstacle' the new husband and wife must conquer. They must cut the log in half.

Prise Salz-Pinch of Salt

Not throughout Germany, but in many locations, the bride carries a pinch of salt and bread on the big day. This is said to provide a good harvest. The groom carries grain, which is carried for good luck and wealth.

Das Hochzeitsherz Ausschneiden

The bride and groom, using little scissors, cut a large heart out of a sheet or blanket. On the wedding day, the groom carries the bride through the heart. This is just another test that shows everyone how well the couple works together.

The Veil Dance-Schleirertanz

Sometimes in lieu of tossing the bridal bouquet, this custom has the bride and groom dancing under the bride's veil to music. When the music stops, the single women attempt to tear the largest piece of veil, signifying she will be the next bride. Often, to avoid destroying the veil, substitute veil fabric is use. In many locations, the custom has been modified to have the bride and groom dancing under the veil, while guests, in order to dance with either the bride and groom, toss money in the veil over their head.

Wedding Protocol

Germans prefer a sit down meal to a buffet
No one dances until the dinner is complete
During the dinner, toasts are often presented, as well as entertainment. It is most often 'fun' poked at the bride and groom. Those I have attended did a skit similar to our 'Newlywed Game' and other very funny skits.

Customary German Wedding Food

Wedding Soup Hochzeitsuppe

Usually a chicken broth or chicken soup with noodles and often meatballs.

Tree Cake-Baumkuchen

Baumkuchen is a German cake that's made by baking layers on a stick over an open fire. The cake's distinctive rings resemble tree rings, which is how it got its name. The name translates to "tree cake" or "log cake".

The cake may be a variety of flavors, usually chosen by the bride and groom's favorites.

Wedding Cake Spitzwecken

The 10' Wedding cake, which is baked on a wooden slab. Guests bring the cake and of course, have difficulty getting it into the venue, so there is normally a 'skit' and finally a determination that the cake must be split to gain access. This cake usually includes Marzipan because almonds are believed to bring good luck.

Typical Wedding Gifts

A gift registry in Germany is pretty uncommon. Many of the couples live together prior to the marriage and many of the daily necessities are not needed. The common practice in Germany is to give the couple money. Depending on the relationship to the bride or groom or both, that can range from 50 Euro to 200 Euro.

A traditional wedding gift and often given by someone close is the 'Toasting Cup'. The cup originated in the 16th century and is also called the wager cup. It is usually a pewter double cup in the form of a female dressed in a bell shaped skirt, while holding the smaller cup above her head. This cup shows that the two can work together and is used at the reception for toasting. There are two cups on the vessel, one large (usually used by the groom) and a smaller one (used by the bride). It is a good idea to give them the cup in advance so they may practice and avoid spills during the toasts.

There is normally a 'Geschenketisch' Gift Table at the Reception area.

The Traditions we Share

The father normally walks the Bride down the aisle. There are some jurisdictions where the bride and groom enter together.
The Bride and Groom share the first dance.
The Bride tosses the bouquet. There are a few customs that circumvent this one (see above Veil).
The Bride and Groom cannot see each other prior to the ceremony, so if they are living together, they spend the night someone else on the eve of their wedding.
The Groom carries the bride over the threshold of their house or hotel the night of the wedding.
The Bride normally wears white, but more recently colors are entering the wedding. Many years ago, Brides would dress in all black and wear a white veil. Dresses are also getting more stylish and brides have worn cocktail length. Today's Bride in Germany normally prefers a 'ball gown' type dress over the more traditional princess gown.
The Groom normally wears a black suit or a tuxedo, with a white shirt. Accessories are normally matched with the Bride's colors.
Veils are disappearing with Brides preferring just a short headpiece or veil.

Traditional Wedding Blessings/Toasts

“Erheben wir nun unsere Gläser auf das Wohl des jungen Paares und wünschen wir ihm ein langes Leben voller Liebe. Prosit!” (We raise now our glasses on the well-being of the new pair, and we wish a long life full of love)
Ein langes leben, ein langes lieben (A long life, a long love)

Popular Toasts:

Prosit-Cheers or to life or to health-Germany's most common toast.
zum Wohl-to your health. This is used in a more formal setting such as when wine or champagne is used

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